“Cause love never runs out”

February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 October 2011 November 2011 February 2012

I really didn't mean t do it. I wasnt born t please everyone. I dk who t trust anymore, you people keep betraying my trust and i cant find any reason t trust you all again. Blame it on my luck for meeting such people. For 2 years, i've been tolerating everything. I cant take it anymore. If you people doesnt want me t be ur friend, please let me know, so i wont waste my time thinking that u people actually care for me. Please leave me alone. Im sure i can do better w/o you people, @ least, i know who's real and who's fake. Sigh, fuck my life. But i think im lucky t have a teacher who's actually willing t listen t my troubles, thanks Mr Zhuo.

Mayb you doesnt know this, but i love you

Hai people, things aint getting better. Sigh, yeah i know, its my fault, im stupid, im dumb, letting someone who love me so much outta my life. Do u think i wanted this t happen? But i really dk what t do, so i decided t let go instead of wasting ur time. You're young, go look for someone better, someone who will love you like how u love her, someone who apericate you, someone who is not dumb. All my friends think that imma bitch, even my closest friends. It's okay, it's alright. Yeah, imma bitch. Sigh. I want someone real. Nao, I've see through all of u guys, everything you people did are fake. I know everybody will point fingers @ me. But do you know that when you're pointing one finger @ me, three fingers are pointing @ urself? Your can say i play him or w/e, but i can fucking swear t god that i didnt . It's okay that noone believe me, idc. I've got a shield, im bulletproof. Mayb th only thing i can do is t live with all those fingers pointing @ me. If scolding me can make you happy, den go ahead and scold all u want.

Letting someone whom you love alot outta ur life is th most difficult thing t do. But i guess i've picked up th courage and did it.

PLEASE FUCK OFF AND STOP READING MY BLOG. WHATS WITH U REPLYING EVERYTHING I POST? WHATS A BLOG FOR? FOR ME T VENT MY ANGER K. WEAR MY SHOES AND TRYING WALKING. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Okie, i really got enough of everything. So yeah, im gonna list out what im gonna do from nao onwards.

Hello, here to post about camp.

Day 1

9 hours of bus ride from Greendale to Tekam. Had lots of fun on th bus crapping with friends. Sleeping and eating was what i did th most on th bus. I bet i gained some weight (: Reach Tekan @ around 8 plus? Was supa dark there. Had dinner in a supa ultra small shelter. After that, went to th chalet we're assigned t. Slept with Sweeta, Cheryl Phoa, Jolene Teo and Shujuan. Walk for like 15 mins t th chalet. Open th room, fuck my life. I saw lizards running around. Th room was so supa omg. There's bed bugs too. Eeew. Didn't dare t sleep. Complained. Moved t Jolene Ting's chalet. Which was 123456789 times better. Slept there. That's about it for day 1.

Day 2

Woke up @ 7. Was late. Pack our stuffs and went t dinning hall. Reach th dinning hall @ around 8 plus. Had breakfast and off t caving. Before going into th cave, we have t trek pass a jungle. Blame it on our luck, it was flooded with water, and im wearing my damn converse shoe. So yeah, inside my shoe was flooded too. Walked with bestfriend, Slyvestian, Joleneteo, Terence, Boonwee and Kimberly. I was so afraid that i will fall, so i grab whoever hand i see while walking over stones or log. LOL. Like finally we reach th outside of th cave. Yeah, it outside. We still have to climb up to th cave. It was so damn slippery. And it was supa ultra dark. Sly and Kim walk first, so they were so supa in front . Next was Terence and Joleneteo. Again, they're veh in front too. I crawl through a small hole while bestfriend climb up a hole. I was like stuck on th way up. Lol. Walk with bestfriend. So afraid that i will fall, so i hold him supa hard. Met Jolene and Terence half way. So we walked together. After 123456789 hours of climbing, we reach th top, i think. There's this story about th cave which Mr Zaini told us. So here it goes, Once upon a time, there's this half human half bird creature living in th cave. It cannot talk t human, if not everything will turn into stone. One day, this couple are having a wedding ceremony in th cave. Every animals were invited except th creature. Th creature was sad and furious, so it flew across and shouted 'hi'. So, everything turn into a stone. The couple, a lion, a eagle. Yupp, that's th story. It's really amazing in there. After that we were told to go back down, th same way we came up. And me and Joleneteo were like, whathefuck. And then im like, can i take a shortcut down? Lol, if u get me. It's way more scary than how i came up. Grab bestfriend hand supa hard while going down, cause im afraid i might fall. Boonwee shine th light for me, knowing im scared when i cant see anything. Awww, thanks. Managed t go back down. And im like, phew, im alive ! Walk all th way back where we're suppose t sleep. Pack our stuffs, went for dinner. And then it's night walk. I hate it ! I couldn't see a single thing. Partner with bestfriend, but after that i decided to walk with Mr Zhuo. We walk 4 by 4, with Kamarul and Boonwee. Was holding Mr Zhuo's and Boonwee's hand atw. They walk supa fast which make me supa scared. Yeah i cry, im afraid of th dark. But i managed t make it through with their support, thanks again. After everything, went to sleep, in th tent, in th cave. HAHA. Shiokness k.

Day 3

Went for some learning journey, fucking boring. Skip that. Here comes th exciting activity, cave abseiling. At first i thought i just need t climb that tiny little bit , so i went up And, i was shocked. Im suppose to climb up th ladder. Had Boonwee holding th ladder for me while i climb up. Reach th top and im like , what am i suppose t do nao. Saw a rope, grab it, pull myself up. Waited for Boonwee. He lead th way, i follow him. So slippery, so scary. Reach th top , didn't dare t abseil down. Bestfriend abseiling beside me. He was so fast. I was stuck. I have no idea what to do. And i keep hitting th rocks which ended me with some cuts on my arms and legs. Leg was jelly-like substances when i reach th ground, lol. But i had fun :B What a rare experience. Went back t chalet, clean up. Had campfire prep. Dinner next, den we had candle war. Shall not elaborate, but E2 won, congrats. (: Went back, sleep (:

Day 4

Went for some plantation thing. Was feeding mosquitoes. After that water rafting. Had to build our own raft. Teamwork, i like (: Was a success. my shoes are damn gross, my socks stained th chalet corridor, so damn dirty. Didn't like it. Showered. Campfire night, (: First t perform, awesome. Gimme one superhero clap ! (: After that ton @ bestfriend room. Hell lots of people. Mr Zhuo came in @ 1 plus. Before that, chief nearly came into our room, and th girls are like OMG, HIDE IN TOILET. So that's what we did for like 3 times until Mr Zhuo came in. Played truth or dare. Supa fun. Played till 430am. Den slept for 15 mins den back t own room and prepared t go back sSingapore.

Day 5

Another 9 hours of ride. Went up th bus, straight away sleep, LOL. Didn't had breakfast, ate chips and chocolates. Sleep again. Reaching Singapore that time, played with bestfriend. My head kena hit like siao, become stupid liao. LOL. Reach school @ 4 plus. Group photo, then home sweet home (: @ night, fastfood spam with clique. Awesome night with them.

Yeah, so that's all about th 5 days 4 night @ Tekam. (:

Reflection

This 5d4n, i learn alot things. Especially never say never. Many of th activities, especially caving, i was so close to giving up, but i had all my friends with me pushing me up and giving me hope. A word of encouragement really mean alot to me @ that point of time. They really help me alot in th whole camp. They help me overcome my fears, although im still a little scared of th dark. My teachers help me alot too. Comforting me when i cry, h2h with me and gave me some advice. And of course Instructor Zal, he was th one who make th camp a success. He's awesome ! I feel so lucky having all my friends by my side. This is a unforgettable camp, and i will definitely remember these 5d4n with all my classmates. Gimme 1 superhero clap, 'Up up here we go go, up up here we go go, H-E-R-O , SUPERHERO ! (:

So everything is me me me. Yeah, i did this t you, i did that t you. Everybody cares for you, then who's caring for me? Th reason of me being so happy in front of my clique is because th are th ones who make me forget everything. Plan change and people change. I've change. I dont know myself anymore. You can tell everybody what i told you. And those out there, you can tell him what i told you. This is th fucking reason why i dont tell you all stuffs. Walls have ears. I told 1 person somethin, next minute, th whole world know. How would i know who t trust? Do you know how hurtful it is when someone betray you? Try stepping into my shoes and walk a mile, you will know how hard it is. I ask you, what are bestfriend for? Bestfriends are someone whom u can give them your complete trust. I've got no one t trust except him. Everybody around me are like a 2 headed snake. Im not stressing about me and him. I just get so pissed off. Because everybody is just asking th same fucking question. Have you mofos ever spare a thought for me? True friends see th tears in my eyes and others believe th smile on my face. How many times have u seen th tears in my eyes? All you see is th smile on my face. I think i can b a actress. It seems like crying wins th war. You win. Im tired of fighting. Im strong, i dont need anybody t care for me. I'll just hug my teddybear and pretend nothing happen. I had enough of all those judging and insults . You can delete th tweets or w/e. But, what done cannot be undone and whats said cannot be unsaid. Those words are like pointy sharp arrows. You take back ur words, you pull out th arrows. But th wound is still there.

Post about camp later.

I've learnt t let go, what about you?

Okie, everything is getting from bad t worse. Yeah, so everything is my fault. Im not a superwomen. I cant please everyone. When im with boyf, friends say i pangseh. When im with friends, boyf say i pangseh. SO WHAT TH FUCK DO YOU PPL WANT. I cant spilt myself into 2. If i can, i'll do that long ago. I dont cry in class, i hate crying in class, so you people thinks that im happy? I wish i was ! I just doesnt show it. I go around trying t cheer ppl up. Then what about me ? How am i gonna cheer myself up with people scolding me ? Yeah, im mean, imma bitch. But im still human you mofos ! He got feelings , so do i. How i wish i was cold blooded. I cant hurt him, so i can hurt myself ? Please spare a thought for me. He's not th only one sad. Im sad too, but what did you people do ? Scolding and scolding. Get th facts right mofos. I really wann end everything, and i mean everything. Im really veh troubled. I really hate my life. With everybody against me, how am i suppose t love my life ? I give people advice, but who gave me? Bestfriend told me this before, "When you're about t give up, think about why you held on for so long." But nao, i dont even know why i held on for so long, am i dumb? I need help, please. I hate everything nao. Leave me alone, i need peace.

No picture for today,
Fml, i wanted life t go by my way, but it just doesnt ! Yesterday was th worst day of my life. Studies, friends, relationship and families. I just cant take it anymore. it feels like th whole world is against me. Whatever i do, i got scolded. I got insulted. I got teased. Its miserable. Sometimes i really wish that i was blind, deaf, mute and cold hearted. So, i wont see any lj face, hear any insults and feel anything. I just wish to have someone , someone whom can light up my life. I lead a fuck up life, im always trying t be happy. Laughing in class and doing silly stuffs. People thinks that im happy. i thought im happy. But i wasnt. I hate my life. Sigh. All i wanted was t be happy.

How can a rainbow appear in my life when I doesnt even know how t draw it ?